So I’ve had a couple of requests now for support and advice on how to deal with sibling squabbles. It’s a topic I’ve plenty of personal experience of myself; my brother and I could get quite viscous at times 🤦🏼♀️ and it’s actually a very interesting subject.
The thing with the fighting that goes on between siblings is that it actually has huge benefits. I’ve found 2 awesome blogposts from the AMAZING Janet Lansbury that I think you’ll find eye opening, informative and useful. I’ve linked one below and the second is linked within it.
It’s about looking at it all from a different perspective.- a child development perspective. We want resilient children, (resilience is a huge buzz word at the moment) and in order to raise resilient children we need to allow opportunities for them to BE resilient.
‘Line’s children learned through this experience.
Her daughter learned:
“My parents don’t expect me to acquiesce to please my brother just because he’s younger. My feelings and desires matter just as much as his. My parents don’t take sides against me or perceive me as a bully for following the impulse I sometimes feel to be controlling. While they don’t let me harm my brother, they don’t judge me for wanting to dominate him.”
Meanwhile, Line’s younger child learned:
“I am capable of asserting myself with my sister. I don’t need to be rescued by my parents. Not getting what I want is uncomfortable in the moment, and I can be vocal about that, but the feelings pass.”
Both children learned:
“Our parents believe in us, and we are capable of handling struggles and resolving conflicts,” an invaluable affirmation since life is chock full of them.
Although it sometimes doesn’t make it easier for you, take a load off your mind and remind yourself that these squabbles are bonding and serve purpose; They DON’T mean they hate each other and will so forever more.
Instead of jumping in be an observer, let some things play out and try not to side with a child, they’re all just learning. Safety is paramount but Janet has great tips on this too.
Remember, keep your expectations realistic. The tougher stuff is important for children too, it gives them real and tangible experience of dealing with conflict in a safe environment.
Read both posts and feel free to ask any questions you may have; hope it helps, Jennifer 🌈💚