8 Top Parenting tips on Connecting with your Children from a Qualified Mental Health Nurse and Children’s Therapist (and busy mama of 3) …

Sharing some top tips for busy parents for when it all gets a little overwhelming, your own emotions feel in a tangle and you don’t know where to start to help your child’s mental health improve. We know that connection is where it is at, but what does that REALLY look like and how can we start when life is so damn busy!? Disclosure – I don’t have all of the answers sadly and still get it wrong sometimes (none of us are perfect!)

Making Moments Matter: Time-Smart Connections with Your Children

We all know that deep, meaningful connection with our children is the cornerstone of a strong and loving family. We see the idyllic images: long afternoons spent building Lego castles, focused one-on-one conversations, and elaborate family outings. And while those moments are undoubtedly precious, the reality of busy modern life often leaves us feeling like we're falling short.

The good news? Building powerful connections with your children doesn't require hours of dedicated, uninterrupted time or constant face-to-face interaction. In fact, some of the most impactful moments are woven into our everyday routines – tiny bursts of presence that speak volumes. These are the time-smart connections, the moments that prove it's quality, not just quantity, that truly matters.

Little pockets of opportunity we can seize throughout the day to let our children know they are seen, heard, and valued.

Here are some simple yet powerful ways to make those everyday moments matter:

1.      The Mindful Handover: When your child is telling you something, even amidst the chaos of getting out the door, pause. Make eye contact. Put down your phone for those crucial seconds. Acknowledge what they've said with a nod or a brief verbal response. This small act of focused attention shows them their voice matters.

2.      The Power of the Pause: During a shared activity, even something mundane like folding laundry together (would be a fine thing right!?), take a brief pause to ask a genuine question about their day, their feelings, or their current interests. Listen actively to their response, even if it's just for a minute or two.

3.      Greeting’s and Goodbye: Make your greetings and goodbyes intentional – even when they might be rushed! A warm hug, a genuine smile, and a reminder that you can’t wait to see them later. Often what we tend to do as parents (because it makes US feel better) is to ask them a barrage of questions when they get in. Instead, let them relax and chill for some time (side note – this is often the best time for their screen time) then gently ask them about their day when they are ready to engage.

4.      A Shared Sensory Moment: Notice something together. It could be the way the sunlight streams through the window, the sound of a bird singing, or the smell of dinner cooking. A simple shared observation creates a mini-connection point. "Look at that beautiful rainbow!" or "Doesn't that smell delicious?"

5.      The Bedtime Ritual: Dare I say it this is often the time they want to connect most and it’s the time that ideally we would like to disconnect for a little while - certainly if they are anything like my eldest any way! Even if it's just a quick tuck-in, a short story, or a brief chat about their day, bedtime routines offer a consistent opportunity for connection and winding down together.

6.      Safe Touch: A gentle hand on their shoulder as you pass by, a quick hug while making dinner, a playful tickle – these small physical gestures can convey love and affection without requiring a lot of time. Jen and I talk about this one in our flagship parenting course – and it’s because it’s well researched and powerful. We call it ‘Safe eight touches’ and it’s incredibly helpful to build connection with a teen who might not be quite ready to engage with connecting verbally!

7.      The "Yes, And..." Approach: When your child shares an idea or asks for something (within reason!), try responding with "Yes, and..." instead of immediately saying no or pointing out limitations. This fosters a sense of collaboration and makes them feel heard and valued. I love this one and it’s something I use often – curiosity is everything!

8.      Leverage Technology Mindfully: While screen time can sometimes feel like the antithesis of connection, used intentionally, it can bridge distances or create shared experiences. Watch a short funny video together and laugh, play a quick round of a simple game, or send a loving text message when you're apart.

The beauty of these time-smart connections is their cumulative effect. Each small, intentional moment adds another thread to your relationship with your child. They demonstrate that you are present, that you care, and that they are important, even amidst the hustle and bustle of daily life.

So, let go of the pressure to create picture-perfect, time-consuming connection opportunities. Remove that all-consuming parent guilt that we haven’t spent hours individually one on one with each of them. Instead, open your eyes to the everyday moments that remind your child that they matter to you.  By being present, intentional, and embracing the power of small gestures, you can build deep and lasting bonds with your children, one tiny burst of connection at a time.

Remove that guilt, take away the pressure and just actually 'be' with them when you can.

Nikki x