Heavy Mistakes

Mistakes. I’ve been thinking a lot about mistakes and forgiveness lately, it’s the current research topic that I’m immersing myself in.

I have made so many mistakes over the last 40 years. Some I have been ashamed of and carried the remnant of on my back with every step I took, and others I’ve seen the purpose and significance of, so therefore immediately forgiven myself and moved on from.

Since starting my personal studies, especially when it came to exploring the nervous system and trauma, I was faced with a new sense of reality, a new perspective. The mistakes that I had carried with me for so long weren’t all of mine to carry. That was a lightbulb moment for me and something I’m still reflecting on and healing from; sometimes understanding why we made the mistakes we did makes our load a lot lighter.

I’ve been judged over the years, from myself more than anyone, but every mistake, whether it’s completely mine to own or someone else’s I took ownership of, have led me to where I am today.

Judgement from others can feel hard, but the people who think they know you enough to judge are the ones that generally don’t know you at all. Reflecting back with wiser and older heads I hope that those who have judged consider enough to reflect back and think deeper.

The more I study and the more I develop and learn, the more I understand that these milestones are part of me.

I have learned,

I have struggled and I have grown.

I am strong, I have courage.

I am finally able to be genuinely vulnerable enough to begin a pathway of forgiveness and healing. My health, emotional and physical, is a representation of my experiences but so is my grit and determination but so is my ability to stand up and say “Here I am, this is WHO I am, and this is what I’ve learned”.

So every mistake has brought me to this point, I’ve carried them this far but it’s time to put them down and accept them as part of who I am and what got me here. I hope you all find the ability to do the same.

Everybody’s stories are different but everyone has one. We have all carried mistakes of different weights and sizes, but the great thing about stories is that they evolve; and we can all have a hand in writing our freshest chapter.